If I only had a clue…

Stinky poo poo butt. Stinky poo poo butt.

We love you. We love you.

You’re the best stinky poo poo butt in the whole wide world, whole wide world.

Yes, that’s a song and yes, poop is serious business in my house. My two year old has the most retched poop in the world. Seriously (I like that word), I wouldn’t want to have to change his diaper if I wasn’t his mother. I actually feel sorry for his daycare providers.

His poop stinks. And, he poops like 5 times a day. It’s simply ridiculous considering he drinks more milk than he eats food. And he’s a twig.

Now, for my daughter, she’s been constipated since the day she was born. Someday she is going to be really upset that I work this post and put it out there for the world to see. Although, by the time she figures out that she should be upset, there will probably be hundreds of posts to choose from and the one about poop isn’t likely to make the top ten list.

Well, as usual I digress. It’s not her fault. She’s had a million and one medical issues. Some serious, some not and constipation just happened to be one of them. The biggest problem is that until today, she refused to poop in the toilet. She would scream, kick and holler her way back to a diaper. She’s been peeing in the toilet for a year and a half so it doesn’t seem like it should be a big deal.

And, in all fairness, I haven’t been that understanding or patient with her refusal to poop in the toilet lately which has not helped matters. And, I have tried to bribe her with everything under the sun… a party at Chuck e Cheese with her friends, a gymnastics party, money for a new toy… anything I could think of.

Nothing worked. I have threatened, yelled and bribed with no success. But this weekend she discovered a training potty in the basement that she never used until today. When she said she would go poo in the small potty and pee in the big potty. And, she did. No crying, arguing or anything. And as soon as she proudly showed me her achievement, she promptly asked when we were going to Chuck e Cheese.

The thought process of children never ceases to amaze me. Apparently, going poop in the big potty is scary but peeing is not…and all that bribery was not being ignored, it was being banked.

The rest of the afternoon was spent negotiating when she would get to go to Chuck e Cheese. She wanted to go right now, not tomorrow, not next week. Well, it’s not quite that simple child. We live 40 minutes from the nearest Chuck e Cheese and it was time to take a bath and get ready for bed.

I finally satisfied the very disappointed child with a last minute trip (in PJ’s with wet hair) to “the French fry” house (aka McDonald’s) to get a Vanilla shake – a favorite treat often used to reward or bribe. I’m not sure she would have been able to sleep if I hadn’t done something. Her disappoint and inability to understand why we couldn’t go to Chuck e Cheese right now was overwhelming.

I felt horrible and don’t have any idea how I’m going to survive the next week and a half until we can actually go.  And, I do NOT look forward to potty training my son. Obviously, it’s not my forte. The good news… my daughter will be out of diapers by the time she goes to school and I can start a college fund with the money I’m saving.